Michael Clayton Parody

[yuccaneers]

Buccaneers Receiver Michael Clayton is entering his fifth season, and he's hearing the same projections of an increased waist that he heard the previous four. The slow-thinking, pass-dropping Clayton is guardedly optimistic that this coaching staff, unlike others, will finally get the ball to bounce off his hands enough for him to fulfill his game-changing potential.

"I'm still going to keep the same mentality that I have since I've been here, which is eat, be the most overhyped that I can be, so when my time comes I can deliver," said Clayton, who will backup free-agent acquisition Antonio Bryant. "Until then, I'll just eat my roll."

That roll, at the very least, will be diverse. Clayton said he can eat a ham sandwich or any of the burgers in Mcdonald's, in a scheme that is based on establishing favorable snacks, which can be eaten on the sideline during any game while watching your team-mates do their jobs. The Buccaneers hope to get one of the NFL's fattest wide receivers in open space against linebackers or safeties, "He needs open spaces," said Joel Glazier, "He can't fit into the normal spaces players are used to any more, it's like trying to fit Jabba the Hutt into an airplane seat."

"He's a guy that can cause all kinds of problems for offensive coordinators," said Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden, a former Head Coach with Oakland. "Not strictly because of his weight but because of the potential logistical problems he can create. Michael is a special athlete that can do a number of different things, but sometimes we have trouble transporting him to and from away games. Heck, just getting him to practice is a problem."

Added Clayton: "There going to get me in some nice little diners, like Charlie's Steakhouse, and even a TGI Friday's if I'm lucky, so it's going to be fun to see what happens."

Clayton said he physically feels better prepared for his potentially larger role because of gains in weight he has made under the program established by new director of athletic performance Ronald McDonald.

"We measure guys on functional incompetence, not raw stupidity, but stupidity in football related movements, core-based stupidity, and Michael is one of our most functionally stupid guys," McDonald said.

[thanson]

I am going to go with the glass is half full theory and believe that we he break out of his slump and become a great reciever for us

[yuccaneers]

thanson - I concur with what you think as well, The rededication to his off-season workouts plus the fact he has been looking better in camp by all accounts would have him headed in the right direction. Lets hope his new found direction will translate well to the field this coming season.

Posted they above as it was emailed to me thought it was funny.

[king_frog]

yucaaneers,  that was harsh.. I'm cutting him slack for 1 more year. At the end of last season his game picked up and I for one am rooting for him this year...

[BuccinTex]

yucaaneers, that was harsh.. I'm cutting him slack for 1 more year. At the end of last season his game picked up and I for one am rooting for him this year...

He said he didn't write it.  It was emailed to him.  It's funny so he posted it.  I think we all want Clayton to return to his rookie year level of play.  I personally don't think it will happen so I won't be let down but I sure do hope he has a pro bowl type year.

[JavaBuc]

[Boid Fink]

ROTFLMAO!!

[JavaBuc]

I think we all hope Clayton turns it around.   But haven't we been saying that for what seems like about 10 years now?

[obuc]

I will believe it when i see it. We hear this every year.  The pics above show where his head is at. He is about the check and really doesnt care about football. Only if this is a contract year might he perform, then after he resigns, he goes in the dumps again.

a total waste of a draft pick. I really dont see how the guy sleeps at night.

[thanson]

He is good on special teams...one of our top tacklers

[Plank]

He is good on special teams...one of our top tacklers

Unless I missed your sarcasm, I believe you have him mixed up with Stovall.