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Yakuza Rich

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: November 03, 2008, 05:05:01 PM

Here's a list of what I'd like the new Hillsborough School Board to do after the elections tomorrow:

-  Robert E. Lee Elementary will be closed and re-opened as "Happy Hearts School for the Disabled."  All physically and mentally challenged students in Hillsborough County will be transferred to this specialized teaching school that will be better equipped to handle their various handicaps.

-  Jefferson High will be closed, and its mission of serving as a magnate school for social sciences will be abandoned.  Jefferson will re-open as the new Hillsborough Vocational Educational School.  Its new mission will be to take "at-risk" students and train them in "useful life skills" such as car repair, welding, hair styling, and rudimentary computer skills, to prepare these students for life without a college education.  ALL at-risk students in Hillsborough County will be transferred to the Vo-Ed once they reach their junior year of high school unless they are able to turn things around academically as a freshman and sophmore.

-  Walter Sickles High will be renamed "Gen. Dan Sickles High" after the controversial New York political boss and Civil War general.  This will be due to the fact that hardly anyone knows who Walter Sickles was (apparently a legendary ball player at Cornell University in the 1930s).

-  Freedom High will be renamed "James K. Polk High School," signifying a trend towards naming schools in Hillsborough in a "traditional" manner (named after 19th century presidents, etc.) rather than naming them after post-9/11 xenophobia feelings.

-  The traffic signal at Mort Elementary School will be removed, and replaced with an archway for students to walk over without making me late for work in the morning.

-  Mort will be renamed "James A. Garfield Elementary School."

-  The janitor's closet at Sickles will be officially designated the "Ronda Storms Janitorial Closet" while the janitor's closet at Pizzo Elementary will be re-named "The Brian Blair Janitorial Closet."

-  Expulsions will be universal, meaning that if a student is expelled from one school, his parents must physically move to another county as they will be forbidden from enrolling the worthless troublemaker into another public school in Hillsborough.

-  All schools will adopt a zero tolerance, "one strike and you're out" policy towards bullying.

-  All Hillsborough students will be shown the following "life altering" movies:
The Bridge on the River Kwai
Lawrence of Arabia
On The Waterfront
The Last Emperor
Dances With Wolves
Reds
Schindler's List
Gandhi
Stalag 17
All The President's Men

Ironphist

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#1 : November 04, 2008, 04:13:15 AM

i'd also like to add that Chamberlain HS should get prison gates to match Adams Jr. High on N. Blvd - it is a look that oozes academic excellence as they lock the inmates, i mean student body, in for another day of learning...  the public school system is a joke.
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