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Pewter Report  >>  Boards  >>  Pirate's Cove (Moderators: 3rd String Kicker, PRPatrol)  >>  Topic: "Pet" Peeves « previous next »
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: January 18, 2009, 10:11:51 AM

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do
I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to
the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster
than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort,
however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to
Each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an
attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not
required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or
cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are
short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

foxfire

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#1 : January 19, 2009, 02:03:50 AM

LOL!! So very true!

Boid Fink

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#2 : January 19, 2009, 12:23:46 PM

LMAO!!


OpTiOnMaStA

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#3 : January 19, 2009, 12:28:32 PM

Very true man. One of my dogs sits by the bathroom door whenever my girl or I go in. He just lays there like, hey, if I can't get in I am going to seriously just block your way out. Unfortunately, you are right about no secret exits.

Uncle Stan

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#4 : January 19, 2009, 03:11:08 PM

You are right.

2 adults, 2 dogs and only a king size bed is not big enough. Especially when you turn over and find you can't take the covers with you.

It is also extremely disconcerting when they just sit there and stare when the Viagra takes  effect. :)

Biggest disadvantage , if you want to call it that, there is no decent pet insurance. Since 12/23 am in the hole over $6,000.

You mean you can go the bathroom by yourself? Mine don't think so.

Learn to disagree without being disagreeable-Ronald Reagan circa 1981

CadillacPower24_2006

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#5 : January 19, 2009, 05:01:15 PM

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children


lol good stuff Prefer....i've been telling these to the wife the last few weeks......her "clock" is ticking


*shakes head*
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