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TURBO

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: October 05, 2009, 10:26:25 PM

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’


And then the fight started…

******************************************

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ”Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”


And then the fight started….

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,  grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the  boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential  downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the  garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and  slipped back into  bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different  anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid  husband is out fishing in that?”


And that’s how the fight started…

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road  and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem  funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ”I AM NOT  HAPPY!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”


And then the fight started…..

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to  150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.


And then the fight started…

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive…  so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for  Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my  pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the  woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt  revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is  proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the  Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’


And then the fight started.

***************************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and  I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a  nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’  ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years  ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’


And then the fight started…

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for so me  reason, took my order first.   â€œI’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"

Nah, she can order for herself.”  And then the fight started…

*********************************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not  happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I  look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…


dbucfan

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#1 : October 05, 2009, 10:56:20 PM

Thanks Turbo - nice to get a laugh

\"A Great Coach has to have a Patient Wife, A Loyal Dog, and a Great Quarterback. . . . but not necessarily in that order\" ~ Coach Bud Grant

bradentonian

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#2 : October 05, 2009, 11:19:22 PM

Good ones!




Guest
#3 : October 05, 2009, 11:30:26 PM

lmao. Those were all good.

O.S. Buc76

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#4 : October 06, 2009, 12:19:47 AM

Lol, thank God none of those applied to any of my fights or arguements. :D


GhostRider

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#5 : October 07, 2009, 11:17:30 AM

Very funny :)




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#6 : October 07, 2009, 01:48:30 PM

bwa-hahahahahahahaha
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