Getting married but not changing her last name - thoughts?

[O.S. Buc76]

My wife had no problems taking my last name and I had no problems with her changing her middle name to her maiden last name.

Hypothetically, what if your wife had said she wanted to keep her maiden name as her last name?

I've already said that I am old school and a traditionalist when it comes to that, and I would have suggested that we just live together or have a life long engagement if we were going to go that route. 

[hoodsbucs]

She woke up and basically told me, "listen, I love you, Im going to marry you and be with you forever. Isnt that what counts?" This meant a lot to me and made me realize that the whole name thing is a little trivial....its been so important to me my whole life but when she said that, I began to understand a lot better.

Yep. That's really all that counts. It's amazing how brainwashed we can become on certain issues that society deems important. I've been caught up in that wave several times in the past.

Agreed.  I mean its still tough to get over, but, who really cares?  I love the girl and thats all that matters...i just gotta figure out how the hell we are going to get married?

[ufojoe]

She woke up and basically told me, "listen, I love you, Im going to marry you and be with you forever.  Isnt that what counts?"  This meant a lot to me and made me realize that the whole name thing is a little trivial....its been so important to me my whole life but when she said that, I began to understand a lot better.

Yep. That's really all that counts. It's amazing how brainwashed we can become on certain issues that society deems important. I've been caught up in that wave several times in the past.

[hoodsbucs]

Bumping this...

I got engaged this weekend.  Last night we talked a little how she wants to keep her last name...I wont lie, it hurt.  I understand though.  Shes Italian and loves her name and doesnt want to lose it.  We are still talking about it but she has no problem taking my name socially, but in the work place, she would like to go by her last name.  Im sure its a work in progress and we are both going to have to compromise on something...

I just think its funny, I always assumed the person I married would take my name but things seem to be a lot different now.  I couldnt sleep last night cause I kept thinking about it and it frustrated the hell out of me.  She woke up and basically told me, "listen, I love you, Im going to marry you and be with you forever.  Isnt that what counts?"  This meant a lot to me and made me realize that the whole name thing is a little trivial....its been so important to me my whole life but when she said that, I began to understand a lot better.

[ufojoe]

My wife had no problems taking my last name and I had no problems with her changing her middle name to her maiden last name.

Hypothetically, what if your wife had said she wanted to keep her maiden name as her last name?

[O.S. Buc76]

My wife had no problems taking my last name and I had no problems with her changing her middle name to her maiden last name.

[BucsGuru]

It doesn't matter I guess, but I couldn't think of my wife being anyone other than Mrs. Bucsguru! 

Seriously, I guess from the time I was born that is how I thought it would be.  Our son's middle name is her former last name; made the grandparents happy; for a day.

Whatever works for folks I guess. 

[ONEBIGDADDY]

In marriage it is really up to the both of them...
1) It really helps kids relate when asked why both parents have different last names and some kids do feel slighted that they have to answer to the parents own decision.

2) Religiously it is made to know that when the Husband and Wife leave their own families for marriage that they take the Husband identity to start the journey of being their own family.

3) No matter how the decision is made a family tree reveals all the members.

4) In some countries the children take the mothers maiden name...I don't know why unless it is for identity purposes...I have talked to others due to hiding from fathers past or present family situations that have or are occurring in their present time...OBD

[JavaBuc]

Makes it easier for her to get a divorce.

[O.S. Buc76]

I know of a couple who got married last year but his bride decided to keep her original name which I think is stupid; so what does anyone else think about a woman wanting to do that?   

[O.S. Buc76]

I say why even bother and not just date each other while living together; that's what I would have suggested to my wife if she came up with that idea.

[O.S. Buc76]

If the girl did that, I would not marry her.

Agree 100%, and again what would be the point. I personally would find it insulting if my fiance' wanted to keep here own name, and my wife did put her maiden name into her middle name but that's ok with me as long as my family name is at the end.

[Boid Fink]

As a father of a daughter, that is the ONLY thing I ask of her.  I want her to keep my last name, even it is hyphenated, because I am not having any more kids.  So she has to carry me.

I would gladly accept if a woman would hyphenate,.  Not a problem with me.

[Scholty]

Boid - I'm in the same boat.  The name dies with me and I got 3 daughters.

Have a friend that actually got his name changed to his WIFE'S name!  Said he liked her's better then his own.  Go figure!

[Boid Fink]

Boid - I'm in the same boat. The name dies with me and I got 3 daughters.

Have a friend that actually got his name changed to his WIFE'S name! Said he liked her's better then his own. Go figure!

Awesome.  I even say my name dies with me, on my end anyhow...I even told my daughter as such.  She thinks boys are gross.

Thank god.

She is only 9, but she is very perceptive.  Very respectful.  A thinker, I think.  And I hope she decides to keep her last name, because that is all I ask of her.  That and to get good grades.  And to forget about boys until AFTER college.  And to drive safe...and...