Dear NFL Draftees,
Congratulations! By merit of your physical abilities and practiced application of game skills, you have been granted the ultimate job...to play the game of football for a ridiculous salary in front of millions of adoring fans.
You lucky dogs!
Now that you've been drafted, I'd like to give you my two cents on how to set yourself up to have a highly successful NFL career:
Sign your contract as soon as you can, no matter what your agent tells you. The little bit of extra green you get for being a stubborn ass is more than offset by the fact that your coaches, teammates, and fan base now think of you as a stubborn ass. Get your ass into camp, grab a playbook, and start learning how to earn your paycheck.
Get into the habit of getting to the practice facility early and staying there late. Nothing impresses a head coach quite as much as a player who is always in there when they arrive in the morning. Almost every time a coach is interviewed about a star player, you hear him talking with respect about how that guy is "always there when I get there at 5 AM." You want to be that guy.
No matter how strong you may think you are, start working now on getting stronger. The pump-and-flex you did at good ol' Willicoochee Community College won't cut it in The League. Hit the weights, and then hit them harder. When you finish, hit them again.
No matter how fast you may think you are, start working now on getting faster. About 95% of you are going to feel like you're in slow motion the first few weeks of camp. This is the NFL and that's just how it is. Get a good speed coach between camps and learn how to fly.
Be humble. Until your TD total exceeds your uniform number, you shouldn't be celebrating anything on the field. By the time you get to that point, you'll have long since learned that your job is the scoring of the touchdown. Our job, as fans, is the celebration part.
Lastly, don't ever take your fans for granted. Never forget, it's our ticket and merchandising dollars that bought that Mercedes for you...don't piss us off.
Sincerely,
Joey Faronda aka Defense 5599
